Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in saintsmythe's LiveJournal:

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Monday, April 16th, 2007
2:46 am	The Nativity Story Ok, I read somewhere that the chick who plays Mary in The Nativity Story is only, like, 17. And that kinda got me thinking. That's way too old. During an era when people rarely lived to be forty, 17 would be practically middle-aged. I mean, let's do a little lesson on Jewish culture in the year 6 B.C. Jews legally became adults at the age of 13, and it was rare for Jewish girls to NOT be married by 14 or 15. This means that, more than likely, Joseph and Mary were a couple of horny teenagers who fancied each other enough for a roll in the hay every now and then. Fast forward a couple of months when Mary breaks the news to Joseph: "I'm pregnant." Oh shit, what to do now? Under Jewish law, unmarried women who were caught having sex were stoned to death. Even if they got married immediately, someone would notice that the timing of the baby's birth was off. Here's what I bet Joseph and Mary did: They shouted from the rafters, "IT'S A MIRACLE!" It's quite cunning, really. (Comment on this)
Saturday, December 9th, 2006
2:44 am	So, yeah, I got hit by a car today. So I'm biking to work this morning (by "this morning," I, of course, mean quarter to five PM), and I'm already running late, because I-am-so-smart-S-M-R-T and I missed the bus. So I get to Spring Valley and Preston, and I look both ways and I cross the street. And this white car apparently doesn't see me, attempts to turn right and plows right into me. Luckily, she wasn't going too fast, so she only hit me hard enough to knock me off my bike and bend the handlebars a little. I fell knee-first, so my knee got pretty banged up, and it HURRRTS, plus I got a few bruises here and there. The lady driving the car was very nice about the deal though, she insisted on giving me her phone number in case I needed to call for insurance information. And after I stopped shaking, I managed to make it the rest of the way to work. I popped a couple Aleve that Kathy (the manager) gave me, and made it through the day. That's about it. Just thought I'd record that something unusual happened today. By the way - Art and Emily - If you're reading this... today's December 9, 2006. Y'all have to get in touch with me and tell me if anything happened today. :D Current Mood: Owwwww Current Music: North Mississippi All-Stars - Hittin' the Hay (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 28th, 2006
6:24 am	Updating, updating. Nothing much happened today. Home. Work. Internet. Sleep. Got 4 more days until solitude. I still have to buy a bike. I'm supposed to call and get my power turned on at my new place tomorrow. All that's been happening recently involves work. We're doing a sales thing at work to get people to sign up for Blockbuster Online. I dunno. I really don't feel like updating now. Just felt I should. Current Mood: same Current Music: Lemon Demon - The Only House That's Not On Fire (Yet) (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 22nd, 2006
7:01 am	"Anything is funny with Yakety Sax. ANYTHING." http://youtube.com/watch?v=2AYujWCCHRk It's true. XD I'm going to hell 'cause I can't stop laughing. XD XD Current Mood: XD Current Music: Yakety Sax - The Benny Hill Show Theme (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, November 20th, 2006
7:41 am	I learned something today. I got to help another friend through another college-induced breakdown today. That makes what... four just in the past few weeks? And it occurred to me as I strolled down to the pool to use the bathroom that I live a very stress-free life. And I *like* having no stress in my life. No stress, no drama... :/ See, I'm totally worried about starting college. I mean seriously, I dunno how I'm gonna react to that sudden addition of pressure to my life. In fact, I dunno how I can honestly hope to succeed and actually get a degree while in need of working 40 hours a week just to keep a roof over my head and myself connected to the internet. Why the hell am I actually thinking of going back to that world I gleefully tore away from eight years ago, that world of mind-numbing lectures and social academia. That world of forcing yourself to write ten pages on a topic you couldn't really give a flying hunk of baby shit about... God, why am I honestly thinking of doing this to myself? I'll be a 25 year old freshman surrounded by 18 year olds fresh out of high school, the apron strings newly severed. At community college, these will be the kids who couldn't get into "real" college. The druggies, the criminals, the people with the IQ of grapefruit, the people even the Army wouldn't take. And me. Surrounded by scum once more. And we all know how strongly I attract scum. How desperate am I for companionship? Will I really allow these scum to take advantage of me again? Of course I will. I hate the fact that you need to go to college to succeed. College is nothing but a four year waste of time that proves nothing outside of the fact that you can go to college. Seriously, what the fuck are you supposed to learn there? How to plagiarize an essay without getting caught? How to put away a pony keg in one night and still make it to Economics at 8 AM? But if I don't put myself through this meaningless hell, I'll be stuck making $8 an hour for the rest of my life. It's times like this that I wish I could just blow my brains out already and be done with it. Current Mood: numb Current Music: Like I'd be playing music this time of night/morning (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, November 18th, 2006
4:30 pm	Meh. I let Keith (Roommate) borrow my laptop this weekend, in exchange for unfettered internet access and the returning of my $28 electricity check. Woot. It's too bad I didn't get this access months ago, but meh. Anyway, I'm bored as hell. The forums are broke, and I'm trying to figure out how not to be lonely. Smythe Paradox #2: Anyone I'd be compatible with is probably *also* sitting at home on the internet trying not to leave the house. And... I've gotta *pick* which electric company I want?! WTF? Fucking deregulation... Electricity rates are higher here than anyplace I've ever lived except Baltimore. And it's 3:30 and I, like, *just* woke up. Had to pop pills last night, but meh. Meh sounds like the word of the day. Meh, meh, meh. I gotta work today. Meh. Current Mood: Meh. Current Music: Meh. (Comment on this)
Thursday, November 16th, 2006
5:50 am	Insanity and Solitude Is it possible that solitude can drive one insane? I realized today that, in two short weeks, I'll have put myself in the same situation I was in back in Baltimore: Totally sequestered in a neighborhood where I won't know anyone, and probably won't *want* to know anyone. Smythe Paradox #1: I'm terribly, painfully lonely, yet I hate pretty much everybody. It was two years before I ever spoke to any of my neighbors in Vegas. As far back as I can remember, my entire life has been spent either in solitude, or surrounded by scum who didn't care if I was alive or dead. What effect has that had on my already less-than-stable mind, I wonder. Current Mood: pondering Current Music: Sudden Death - "Inner Voice" (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 15th, 2006
3:06 pm	I love apricot preserves Ok, to start this one, I've got the ALPHABET MEME courtesy of fuzzmonkeys aka Psyne. The letter she gave me was B. 1. BARENAKED LADIES. Psyne started hers with a band, so hahaha. Barenaked Ladies is the only band I can honestly say I liked before they went mainstream. Once I went into a store in Vegas and asked if they had any Barenaked Ladies, and the guy laughed and said "No, but if you find any, send em my way." 2. BOOZE. Such a large part of my life... but today I'm 4 months sober. Dear God, how the hell am I gonna make it through the holidays? 3. BLUEBERRY MUFFIN TOPS. I've got this cereal called Blueberry Muffin Tops that is absolutely DELICIOUS. 4. BUS. I should be going to catch the bus right now. I've gotta go down to my new apartments and give them money, and arrange to have my internet and power turned on. 5. BALTHIER. My favorite character in Final Fantasy XII, the game that's currently consuming most waking moments. I'd love to know who came up with the idea for an entire race of scantily clad bunny girls. 6. BIKE. I've got to get a new bike. I ride my bike three and a half miles to work every day. 7. BLOCKBUSTER. Yeah, there, I said it. My job. 8. BECKY. Less Than Three! OMG! Typing out my fantasy! Meet me here on IRC, LOLOL! 9. BOREDOM. Yeah, yet another large part of my life. 10. BROKEN LAPTOP. Which is now FIXED WOOOOOOOOOT! For about $65 less than I thought it would cost!! Go me! IF YOU WANT A LETTER, ASK ME. I'LL GIVE YOU ONE AND YOU POST 10 THINGS YOU LIKE STARTING WITH THAT LETTER IN ~YOUR~ JOURNAL. Current Mood: good Current Music: LOLOL (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 12th, 2006
4:51 pm	More proof that God hates me. Ok, so, y'all know how I finally, after over a year, got my laptop back from the Navy? It's broken. The pin in the DC jack broke off, and now the battery won't charge. Soooooooooo it's gonna cost me $165 to fix it (if it CAN be fixed, there's a chance the motherboard is fucked). ALSO, I gotta get a new cell phone, cause the other one fell out of my pocket on the way to work and got run over by a car. ALSO, I gotta get a new bike, cause James can't sell me the one I've got now. ALSO, I've gotta pay $200 for my first month's rent on the 15th. ALSO, I've gotta pay the folks I'm living with $150 for electricity. ALSO, I've gotta get power and internet turned on in my new place. So basically, I'm going to be purely 100% flat broke by the time I move in. This plan to live rent free to save money sure has worked *really* well. Current Mood: depressed (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 1st, 2006
5:03 pm	I'm hungry. So yesterday was halloween. http://saintsmythe.illemonati.com/pics/Picture%209.jpg http://saintsmythe.illemonati.com/pics/Picture%2010.jpg http://saintsmythe.illemonati.com/pics/Picture%2011.jpg I dressed up as the Phantom for work, but no one brought in a camera, so I didn't get to enter the costume contest. I'm tired. I've been staying up way too late lately. Last night I was up until after 8 am. >_< I've been reading this weird book that Minnesota Girl wants me to read, it's called Many Lives, Many Masters. And it's about this psychiatrist who hypnotizes this one patient and finds out she's lived, like, a whole pile of past lives and it's really freaky if it's true, the way she starts spouting out information she has no way of knowing and stuff. The weirdness is compounded by someone I know online telling me last night that, before being committed to a psych ward, she had several revelations about the meaning of life that correspond almost exactly to what is described in the book. If I could afford it, I'd want to get the past-life regression described in the book done to me, out of curiosity more than anything. Plus the woman in the book had all her psychological problems cured by the therapy, so hell, what would I have to lose? The key word is, of course, IF I COULD AFFORD IT. Hell, I certainly need plenty of psychological help and therapy if I could afford it. I'm hungry. I think I'm gonna eat pizza before work. Current Mood: hungry Current Music: O-Zone - Dragostea din Tei (12 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, October 30th, 2006
4:59 am	Happiness? I'M IN LURRRRVE! Voice in my head: Oh fuck, not again. Hey, come on, voice. Be happy for me! Voice in my head: So... who is it this time? The Minnesota girl. Voice in my head: *facepalm* Jesus, are you ever gonna learn? A laptop, a webcam, and an internet connection is NOT a substitute for a girlfriend! Well, it's good enough for now anyway. I really like her too. She's cute and goofy and I make her happy when I talk to her. It makes me smile like crazy when I talk to her on webcam and see her smile. Voice in my head: And she's lonely and desperate enough to actually consider being with a creepy, clingy, failure-at-life piece of shit like you. Hey, come on. I really don't think it's like that. I think she really likes me for who I am and not just because of loneliness and a craving for anybody. Voice in my head: Are you planning to ever actually meet this girl? Or are you just gonna jerk off to her picture for the rest of your life? Well... we're trying to work that out. I'll have my own place soon, so she can come down here, or I can come up there next summer if she gets her own place. Voice in my head: Have you managed to work out your climate-incompatability yet? Well, here's the thing. You know how I've always talked about moving to Canada, right? Well, I've been looking into film schools in Canada to transfer to after I get my associate's from Collin County. Maybe someplace like Vancouver. And she could move with me. Voice in my head: You really think this girl's still gonna like you in two years? She's gonna be sick of you two weeks after you meet her, just like every other girl who's ever liked you in the least. Besides, there's no way you're gonna get through college. You're just gonna fail like everything else you ever do. ... You know what? You're a real asshole. Voice in my head: You need me, dude. I'm the only leash to reality you have. Without me, you'd be lost in that idealistic dream world you built up for yourself all those years you were on drugs. Whatever. I'm depressed now. Wait, she just IMed me. I'm happy again. :) Current Mood: loved Current Music: Becky - Less Than Three (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, October 27th, 2006
5:03 pm	Thoughts of a day spent at Starbucks So... I got my computer back from the Navy. (Yay) Now I just have to figure out how to get it online. Dragged the thing up to Starbucks to utilize their T-Mobile $10-a-day wireless so I could download all the windows updates I need, and that's where I've been since about 2 and where I am right now. Good thing I got my work uniform on, cause I'm gonna need to ride straight to work from here. One interesting thing I've noticed about Starbucks is the incredibly large number of beautiful young women that hang out here. There's this one Asian girl in a green jacket poring over some college-textbook looking thing. And this other Asian girl and this cute blonde who've been here almost as long as I have, just chatting away. It must be nice to have friends. Oh, and I'm not even gonna mention all the criminally underage jailbait who keep coming through the door wearing clothes that leave far too little to the imagination. So, anyway, I've got my computer back, now I gotta work on filling it back up with illegally downloaded porn and music. Hopefully no viruses this time. I just realized this journal's over a year old. Who knew? Current Mood: happy Current Music: Blind Melon - No Rain (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 24th, 2006
1:11 pm	Typing out my fantasy So, yeah, after I posted that emolicious message the other day, life got worse. My cell phone fell out of my pocket and got RUN OVER BY A CAR. Voice in my head: HA! Hahahaha. God hates you. I also read a few nasty online reviews about this apartment where I'm supposed to be living. :( Oh, and my computer hasn't gotten here. I finally got in touch with the Navy and they're supposed to be sending back my computer... I've been Waiting forever For my Computer to come I'm desperate For internet at aaaalll... Sunday, I went to see The Prestige at the closest mall, which is like an hour away by bike and two hours by bus... -_-; Went by myself. All alone. Wandered around for a while. Played pinball for 90 minutes. Actually got bored. :/ Hm. Lemme ask all y'all single folks something. You know how every time you see a happy couple wandering around, it stabs you in the heart and makes you be like "FUCK I WANT THAT TOO"? (Or is that just me?) Well, it's 8,342 times worse seeing a movie by yourself. Because EVERYONE ELSE IN THE THEATRE is a couple. The movie was decent. Not in my top ten or anything, but worth seeing. David Bowie didn't look anything like I thought he would, though. :-/ I was expecting him to look weirder, playing an eccentric scientist. Anyway, I'm gonna eat something. Current Mood: apathetic Current Music: Becky - Less Than Three (Ricardo Autobahn remix) (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, October 21st, 2006
10:35 pm	"Shipping Smythe/Anybody" or "Amy Syndrome" Alright, nothing happened today. Let's use this moment to give all you Smythe fans an update on my nonexistant love life. I'll start by saying that, after the disaster surrounding the last girl I fell in love with, I swore off EVER falling for someone I didn't know in real life. That cut my prospects for love down to, oh... about zero. Hooray for being totally and completely socially inept. There was one chance, the only other person I knew in the state of Texas. Age 17, still in high school. Another Lemon Demon fan. Someone I'd been talking to for a while, so my hopes were high. Maybe I'd come to Texas to be with her. God knows she was very similar to me. No friends, no social life, no prospects for love. Similar interests and outlook on life. Voice in my head: So, in other words, she might actually be desperate enough to be with a piece of shit like you. O_o Well, I wouldn't put it that way. She'd been through an online relationship that just ended, and she was terribly depressed, so-- Voice in my head: So you thought you had a chance to score with a young, vulnerable teenage girl? Nice. No! It's... not like that. I don't think. Anyway, I actually got to meet her when I went up to see her school play. I got to give her two hugs, talk to her for five minutes, and that was it. I haven't been able to see her since, and now it seems like she doesn't wanna talk to me. Voice in my head: That's because you're a creepy, clingy, desperate fuck. ...Probably. Voice in my head: It was just a case of Amy Syndrome anyway. Ok, lemme explain what Amy Syndrome is. Amy was my first love. I was 21 years old and she was a co-worker of mine at the hardware store in Buffalo. She was also literally the ONLY single girl I knew at the time. So Amy Syndrome is what I call my tendency to develop a crush on somebody simply because she's single and I know her. Anyway, this 17-year-old hardly talks to me anymore, probably because I scared her by my tendency to get creepily overaffectionate. So, now I'm talking to another girl. Voice in my head: Yeah right, like you could meet another girl. No, seriously. Voice in my head: Lemme guess. Online? Umm.. Voice in my head: Where's this one live? Bulgaria? Thailand? ...Minnesota. Voice in my head: Just as well, what are you gonna do, keep uprooting yourself and moving around the country until you run out of online girls to scare away? Like I'd move up to Minnesota. It's waaaaay to cold up there. Voice in my head: So... you gonna try to get her to move to Texas? Well... she doesn't like warm climates, so... Voice in my head: Soo... this sounds like a relationship with a future. ... Voice in my head: Ok, answer me this. What exactly do you like about this girl other than that she actually pays attention to you. Um... Voice in my head: I'm listening. ... ...She... pays me a lot of attention. Voice in my head: "And I think she might actually... LIKE me!" You're such a loser. Well, what the fuck am I supposed to do? You have no idea how sick I am of spending every single fucking day and night alone. Voice in my head: Just stop worrying about it. I can't. Voice in my head: You've got a decent apartment, a decent job, and you're gonna be starting school soon. Just be happy with that. The sooner you just accept that you're going to die alone, the happier you'll be. Whatever... I gotta go to work. Current Mood: lonely Current Music: Dschinghis Khan - Moskau (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, October 20th, 2006
7:03 am	Llama Llama Duck Ok, sooo what happened today. Yesterday, I went apartment hunting. Can't remember if I mentioned that already, but yeah. That's what I did. And the apartment I'd had my hopes up for told me I didn't make enough money to live there. Well, fuck them. They gave me a card for this Mexican guy named Juan, and Juan found me an even cheaper apartment. It's a little farther away from work than I'd like, but it's only $370 a month!!! (I actually get a discount for working at Blockbuster) It's in a decent seeming neighborhood. Voice in my head: Yeah. Good luck passing the credit check. And hoping they don't find out you only make $900 a month. Yeah, well... If this doesn't work out, I dunno what else I can do. I'm a little worried, cause the whole thing happened so quick. And it seems a bit too good to be true. Voice in my head: And we all know good things never happen to you. Yes. That too. That's... about it. Ate some Indian food. There's an all you can eat Indian buffet near my house that I'm really gonna miss after I move. Alright, shows over. Go home, folks. Current Mood: hopeful Current Music: Deporitaz - "Blips and/or Blips" (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, October 19th, 2006
6:02 am	Wow, Smythe updated! That's right, folks. After how many months, Smythe is back to updating his LiveJournal! So what's happened to me since I last updated? That girl I met at the TMBG concert? I don't talk to her anymore. Met another girl, fell in love, moved to Texas... Voice in my head: You... WHAT?!?! I moved to Texas. Oh, lemme tell you the story. Voice in my head: This better be good. Well, I met this girl online one night while incredibly intoxicated. And over the next few months, we chatted more and more and got closer and closer, about as close as two people can get online. And I invited her up here for Lemonic Demonade (a Lemon Demon concert at Neil's house in Massachusetts) and Otakon (Anime convention). She, in return, invited me to live with her in Texas. She came up to visit me in July. I haven't had a drink or a smoke since we met. And we hit it off famously. Holding hands, cuddling, the promise of more... I was certain more than anything in my life that I'd met the one I'd been waiting for my whole life. I could see a future of nothing more than happiness together with her in Texas. I quit my job at Wawa, and got ready to move. I rented a car on July 29th and took her up to see Lemon Demon. It was fun. Voice in my head: You sat off alone by yourself virtually the entire time. In other words, it was just like every other social event I ever go to. Still, it was nice getting to meet everybody, even if I was the oldest Illemonatus there by several years and felt more than a little out of place. But... after that concert, the girl I'd brought there turned cold as ice to me. I still don't really get it. She claims that she just "couldn't stand" the way I'd acted in Kingston. It seemed to me that the novelty of knowing me wore off after she met Neil Cicierega. Anyway, things went steadily downhill from there. I dunno why I still moved to Texas with her. Otakon was a more or less miserable time, and I missed more than half of it. I got to meet Monica Rial. She got to meet a guy. Who she ALSO convinced to move to Texas and is now dating. I guess I just wanted to get the hell out of Baltimore at any cost. Or maybe I was still deluding myself into thinking she'd eventually fall in love with me. So.. I'm living with her now. Cramped, the fifth person in this four person apartment. And we more or less can't stand each other now. She thinks I'm a disgusting, unhygenic slob, and I think she's a crazy, hypochondriac nut case. Oh well. So it goes. Voice in my head: Every day, you look more and more like a loser. Yeah, well... other than on the love life front, everything seems to be coming up roses. I got a job working at Blockbuster. It doesn't pay much, but it's fun. Also I got plans to go to college. Voice in my head: How many times have you said that now? Except I REALLY have plans this time. Collin County Community College. Next September. Majoring in Radio and TV Broadcasting. All I gotta worry about is finding a place to stay, cause the girl that invited me, her "sweetie," to live with her several months ago is putting me out on my eat in December. Voice in my head: What a bitch. Finally, you and I agree on something. So... stay tuned to this space, folks. Smythe is back on LiveJournal, and he's (probably) here to stay. Voice in my head: Until he gets bored with LJ or depressed or something. Current Mood: optimistic Current Music: Lemon Demon - "Sunbeam Light Show Flower Seed" (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 16th, 2006
3:41 pm	Which way is up? It's 7 AM. I just got home from work an hour and a half ago. I'm likely not going to drink tonight. Let's see... what all has happened since I last graced LiveJournal with my presence (and enough energy to make an entry)? Kristen. THE REST OF THIS ENTRY WILL BE IN HAIKU. "She emailed me back And we chat on AIM Things are looking up." "She called Saturday At somewhere 'round 3 A.M. Wasted as can be." "She's hilarious When she's on a drunken rant I fell right in love." "She might come up here This weekend to visit me I so hope she does." "I will make her fudge I hope she likes chocolate And that she likes me." "Damn, I need a car So I can drive to D.C. And see her much more." "Maybe I'll get one Sooner than this coming March As currently planned." "If I do get one, Can I afford insurance And expensive gas?" "I wonder how much Insurance would be for me At age 24?" "But if I don't drive I might very well lose her As we'd rarely meet." "As it is right now I don't think she's coming here For the metal show." "On May 24th, There's a Boysetsfire show At the Ottobar." "Kristen mentioned that She might go to that show, but It's too far a drive." "We'll see what happens. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Now, I go to bed." Current Mood: hopeful Current Music: Blumchen - Heut Ist Mein Tag (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 27th, 2006
3:46 am	GAAAAAAH AWESOME FUCKING DAY Ok, this was an excellent day all around. GAH I'm so ecstatic I don't even know where to start. Ok, so... I went to see They Might Be Giants today. Bus ride into Baltimore City. Fun. I wore a pair of JEANS! JEANS THAT USED TO NOT FIT ME! ME IS LOSING WEIGHT!! Voice in my head: So... that increases the number of pants you own to what... four? Three. ... Anyway. First, I went up to Golden Ring to check Walmart and see how much Digital Cameras were. (Answer: Too much) I stopped in at Replay Video and found the soundtrack to the Pokemon TV show on the clearance rack for ONE DOLLAR. So I get up to this place, Club Sonar. And the lady at the box office told me Ticketmaster "cancelled" the ticket order. :( ...So they sold me tickets at the door, at a discount. :) And it's a nice place too! Lots of nerdy weird people. No ghetto thug wannabe gangbangers in sight. Drinks were reasonable, $3.50 for a beer. And I gave the lady a 10 and she gave me change for a 20. :) Voice in my head: Yeah, but you gave it back to her. Loser. Yeah, well... being a cashier myself... Karma would be a bitch. Voice in my head: *Yawn* So how was the concert? They Might Be Giants kicked ass. Some of the songs I'd heard before, like the Malcolm In The Middle theme song, and some alphabet countries song that I think I'd heard on Cartoon Network somewhere. The encore consisted of Istanbul Not Constantinople and Fingertips. Anyway, I can barely hear now, as I was standing right next to a speaker, and TMBG is now on my list of top 20 favorite bands. But that's not important. What's important is... that the unthinkable happened. Are y'all sitting down? ... I MET A GIRL. Voice in my head:... No way. *Nods* Voice in my head: I don't believe you. *Shows voice her phone number she gave me* Voice in my head:... Holy shit. Her name is Kristin, she lives in DC, she's a glasses-wearing emo geek nerd who, incidentally, looks an AWFUL lot like Emily, and has the Sith theme for her ringtone. We hung out at the club and watched the concert together, and I got her REALLY drunk. (Shit, I only bought her four beers...) After the show, she drunk drove me home, and we got lost in a bad part of Baltimore, so we had to stop for directions and pizza at a horribly ghetto all night pizza place. Anyway, we got back safely, and she came in, and sat on my couch watching TV... And, well... I wasn't exactly sure how to proceed from there. Seriously. I totally blanked, like, "Does she want me to sit close to her? Put my arm around her? Kiss her? How much does she like me?" Voice in my head: Basically exactly like that night in the hotel room with Claire. Exactly. You know me and my fear of coming on too strong. Voice in my head: Dumbass. She drove you home. She came into the house. She WANTED you to do something. Yeah, well, you know... I can never tell. Voice in my head: So you just basically sat, not even on the same couch, and watched TV for 2 hours. Yeah. Voice in my head: You totally blew it, dude. And she didn't seem impressed by the sheer and utter squalor in which I live either. She coined a new term, "Boonghetto," like a cross between the Boonies and the Ghetto. Anyway... I really hope I hear from her again. But I have a strange feeling I won't. Voice in my head: Huh? But... didn't she give you her number? Well, technically she did... Voice in my head: Technically? See, it was like this. She asked me for MY number, so she could call me if she got lost going home. But I didn't know Roland's house phone number, so she gave me HER number so I could call her cell phone and she could get the number that way. Then I gave her my email, said that was the most reliable way to get in touch with me, and gave her a hug. And, after she left, I noticed her number was still in the phone, so I wrote it down. Voice in my head: *facepalm* What? She DID give it to me. I'm gonna call her tomorrow, be like, oh, I just hit redial to see if your number was still there, just making sure you got home safe, and see how she reacts. /me crosses fingers. Well, this entry has taken me four hours on and off to write. That's about all that happened this awesome day. Voice in my head: Something really bad's gonna happen now, you know. Oh, believe me, I know. Trying not to think about it... Current Mood: ecstatic Current Music: They Might Be Giants - Doctor Worm (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 19th, 2006
5:50 am	Six-Day... SOBER binge?!?! That's right. I just finished six days sober. Go me. Let's see how long that lasts after I get paid... You know, it wasn't really as hard as I thought it would be. Maybe I'll keep going longer... Of course, I say that now... I know I'm probably gonna need to drink Thursday night, unless I want my insomnia to keep me up all night before I have to go in at TEN FUCKING A.M. on Friday and work a THIRTEEN HOUR shift. Then there's the matter of my boredom problem... I've got tomorrow, Saturday, and Sunday off... And no friends, life, etc. But let's forget about that for a moment. Let's see... what all's happened since last post... Um... Not much. Oh, my rent check bounced. Yay. Now Roland's all pissed, and he won't take checks anymore. So I had to get a money order for $400 today, and I'll need to get another one for $85 tomorrow, 'cause the ATM won't let me take out more than $400 in a day. Basically, it's another pain in my ass. But it's just as well, seeing how much trouble I have keeping track of the $ in my account. Oh, Roland's friend finished doing my taxes. Then he charged me $125. WHAT THE FUCK. I could have gone onto H & R Block.com and had THEM do it for $40. Now for some happy news... I did some cooking tonight... And anyone who knows me knows there's only one thing I can cook. :D :D :D :D I have to remember to get up at a decent hour tomorrow so I can get over to the post office. It shouldn't cost too much... probably no more than $10. I really hope she appreciates it. I've been thinking about her a lot too... Stupid things, too... Like, noticing that the brand of plastic wrap we use in the deli is called "Crystal Wrap." And the Elvis song she gave me started playing on the overhead Muzak system in the store today. I wonder... does she ever think about me? Voice in my head: No. How do you know? Voice in my head: 'Cause you're you. Nobody ever thinks about you. Nobody ever will. Oh shut up. I'm in a decent, hopeful mood right now. Voice in my head: Have you ever been in a decent, hopeful mood and not had your heart crushed underfoot and torn up into a thousand pieces? ... Voice in my head: This girl's already told you she likes someone else. Yeah, well... that's just an infatuation, I think. It'll pass. Voice in my head: What if it doesn't? The thing is... I'm not sure if he likes her back... I don't think he does. Voice in my head: So you're saying you want HER heart to get broken. No! That's not what I'm saying at all! Voice in my head: Isn't it? I... really just want her to be happy. Voice in my head: Oh come on, you don't mean that. You never mean that. ... Voice in my head: You said the same thing about Emily. YOU loved Emily. YOU knew her first. And yet you still introduced her to Art, just 'cause you "wanted her to be happy." Now they're head over heels in love and happily married, and you're still alone and miserable. ...Maybe... maybe you're right. It's true, I DO want her to be happy... But... I want her to be happy with ME. Dammit, I've done everything I can do to make everyone around me happy, is it wrong to want to be happy myself? Voice in my head: Told you so. Shut the hell up. I HATE talking to you. You always put me in such a shitty mood. I need to go listen to music now. Sigh... and continue hoping. (Hehehehe.... usually I'd say "I need to go drink now...") Current Mood: bipolar Current Music: Massive Attack - Inertia Creeps (Comment on this)
Monday, April 10th, 2006
4:40 am	Total stalker post Ok, Crystal (psyne) posted this online and it got me uber excited. It's "what she looks for in a guy." -Tall +1 point -Skinny Umm... I'm not exactly obese, but... -Medium-to-dark hair Point. -Medium length hair (as in, not so short it's cut with an electric razor, but not ponytail.) Point. -Long/skinny neck (shut up.) It's... pretty long, but not exactly skinny. -Nice smile I've been told. -I'd say nice eyes, but I think most people have nice eyes. Eyes are my best feature. -Witty. I adore wit and anyone who can make me crack up just by talking naturally. I'm not as interested in people who go around telling pre-formed jokes, even if they made them up themselves. Part of what I like about wit is that it shows someone is clever enough to come up with funny things as they talk. Well, that depends on your sense of humor. I've made her laugh in chat a few times, so I think she's got the same sense of humor I do. -Similar taste in music. And I love finding people who know lots of good music I don't but don't know some good music that I do. It gives you a lot to talk about, and hearing new music is great fun. :D :D :D :D -Fun to talk to and hang out with. Hanging out is important, I'd much rather sit on a couch playing video games than go out to some restaurant. Squeeeeeeee! -Likes video games, computers, and other geeky pursuits. Point. -Good grammar and spelling, and otherwise intelligent. I don't really care if they're smarter than me or dumber than me or anything like that (yes, I do know people who consider one of those a requirement; they either don't want to converse with someone dumber or don't want to be shown up by someone smarter). I don't measure people's ACT scores. They just have to be able to hold intelligent conversations and have a vocabulary that suits their age. Point. -Close in age. Like, between 17 and 20. I'm 90% sure my Bio lab TA last semester had a crush on me, but he's a senior. Probably 22, and about to graduate. That would just be weird. ... Crap. There's really not much I can do about that. Age is really just a number, really. -No smoking, and either no or very little drinking. I'd quit for her. -Relatively similar political and religious views are good. I don't like getting in arguments over major things, although little debates can be fun. That means, liberal on social issues (gay rights, abortion, etc) and agnostic. I can deal with some differences in those, but it seems like life would be easier with someone where it's not an issue. Not an issue = Me. -Mature in general but with appreciation for the stupidly humorous. Aaaagh, it's like she's describing me! -Not particularly outgoing. I'm not as comfortable with outgoing people because... they're foreign to me. It just goes hand in hand with a completely different personality type. Squeeeeeee again! -Easy to read. Particularly online. I get neurotic when I'm not sure if I'm understanding someone correctly. Kinda goes with the shyness/self-esteem issues. Is anyone more easy to read than me? Typically, I'll tell someone exactly what's on my mind at any given time. Er... besides, all she has to do is read my livejournal. I SO HAVE TO MEET THIS GIRL. I don't care if I have to drive all the way to Michigan. Honestly, have any of you ever seen someone as perfect for me as this? Current Mood: giddy Current Music: Grand Theft Audio - "As Good As It Gets" (Comment on this)